Withholding sex

delves, fertility, human behavior, human sexuality, intentional, intimacy, marriage, men, punishment, relationship, sex, sexology, sexual intercourse, weaponry, why women, withholding, women, women set - By Rebecca Sinclair on Wednesday, August 18, 2010 - 13:12

As we delve further into the idea of sexual weaponry in long-term relationships, today we will explore the idea of withholding intimacy.

As a woman I will be first to admit that this is usually a weapon used by women to get back at their men for anything from cheating to not doing the dishes to forgetting an important date.

It comes in two forms: intentional and unintentional. When a woman sets out to discipline her man by denying him sex or making him sleep on the couch, she knows full well what she is doing. This is intentional withholding.

What she may not know is that there are long-term trust consequences that can stem from this and, well, most men will not put up with it long.

Unintentional denying is not planned. Usually this stems from ongoing relationship struggles where the woman feels over-worked, under-appreciated, and just loses interest in making love. Add to that possibly mistrust, a poor self image, and hormones and you have a disaster in the making.

Unintentional withholding is dangerous because the woman is usually not even aware that there is a problem; she just knows that sex is the last thing on her mind. While unintentional withholding may not seem like a “weapon” at first, the wedge it brings into a relationship can easily be misinterpreted as one as the other partner takes it as a personal attack.

Whether intended or not, abstaining from sex in a marriage or long-term relationship can be detrimental. The key, as always, is communication. If your partner has done something that makes you less interested in intimacy, you need to talk about it. Talk about what happened (or what you THINK happened) and talk about what needs to be done to mend the brokenness. Do not run away from the issue, but rather tackle it head-on.

Next up on the sexual weaponry agenda: dealing with past indiscretions. Until then, we would love to hear your thoughts on withholding sex. Have you done it? Has your current or former partner done it? What were the ramifications?

Photo by: smudie