Sexual Anorexia

better sex, dr. yvonne fulbright, feature 2, sexual anorexia, sexual apathy - By dryvonne on Monday, December 13, 2010 - 11:16

Whether they’re feeling deprived of sex or experiencing zero interest in it, sexual anorexia affects most people at some point in their lives. Commonly referred to as “sexual apathy,” “sexual aversion,” “hypoactive sexual desire,” or “inhibited sexual desire” (ISD), sexual anorexia is a state of having little, if any, sexual interest, with some individuals afflicted with this disorder finding sex outright repulsive.

Persons with a lack of sexual interest typically do not initiate sex or respond to their partner’s attempts to be sexually intimate. The condition can be primary, where the person has never really felt any sexual urgings or interest, or secondary, where the individual used to experience sexual longing, but currently does not, whether that’s a lack of desire for his/her partner specifically or for sex in general.

While quite common, the reasons for sexual anorexia are wide-ranging and complex, making it difficult to diagnosis and treat. In ruling out any physical factors at play, a person should undergo a complete medical exam with lab tests, including those to check hormone levels, e.g., testosterone, in ruling out any hormone deficiencies. The individual should be evaluated for poor health or diet, legal and illegal drugs that can impact libido (e.g., antidepressants or the birth control pill), fatigue, insomnia, and alcohol or nicotine use, as well as other factors that can impact libido, like pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause.

On a more psychological level, with the guidance of a mental health professional, couples will want to consider the potential role of any of the following issues that can influence one’s sexual desire: depression, anxiety, personal dissatisfaction (including sexual insecurities and body image issues), low self-esteem, pressures from infertility, and stress and overwork from balancing work and family matters. A certified sex therapist should be consulted in cases where a sexual disorder, mismatched libidos, sexual boredom or inadequacies may be the cause of sexual apathy or a consequence of it.

For professionals who consider sexual aversion a self-perpetuated disorder, the condition is cast as one that involves personal control and relationship power issues, a fear of losing control or of one’s sexuality, and passive and/or active expressions of anger (often triggered by a sense of devaluation), with the individual expressing justifications for this state of being, e.g., misperceptions, denial, and delusions. Such a focus on the individual seeks to understand personal causes behind the sexual anorexia, like s/he having:

• Had a strict upbringing
• Received negative messages about sex growing up
• Negative attitudes toward sex
• Sexual abuse/trauma, e.g., rape or incest
• Obligatory sex

Any of these issues will require individual and couple sessions with a therapist, with focus put on the need to relieve response anxiety in order to reverse withdrawal, as this should remove the block to sexual excitement.

Other relationship issues, lending themselves to sexual apathy, that also require working with a professional, include: poor communication, lack of affection, power struggles and conflicts, lack of time, physical and emotional abuse, the inability to be vulnerable with the other, and chronic conflicts and hassles. Any of these issues can foster feelings of anger, resentment, and basically partners not feeling close or intimate to one another, ultimately shutting down one’s sexual desire. Attention will also have to be given to one’s partner, who is likely to be feeling hurt, rejected, or resentful, to the point of becoming emotionally distant, in having been turned down numerous times sexually.

No matter what the cause, marriage/relationship therapy is almost always in order in overcoming sexual aversion. Couples will receive educational information, including homework assignments, in working through issues around poor intimacy management, sexual ignorance, conflict resolution, and the need to express negative feelings positively. Special focus will be given to better sex and seduction strategies, how to handle sexual invitations, showing empathy, respect and affection, making the time for both sex and non-sexual intimacy, and affection without sex, e.g., massage.

On a final note, it’s important to remember that those who can be labeled as sexual anorexics may not see themselves as having a problem at all. They may be perfectly fine with their lack of desire or sexual inactivity, as may be the case for their partners. Sexual response and desire vary greatly from person to person and from time to time in an individual’s life. Whether or not something is seen as a problem often comes down to the individual’s perception.

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD

Photo By: Josh Sommers