Setting aside "me" time

Published by Rebecca Sinclair on August 30th, 2010

boundaries, coupling, downtime, expectations, friends, human interest, hung, partner, relationship, rules, selfish, set aside, sets, setting, threatened, time, trust, women - By Rebecca Sinclair on Monday, August 30, 2010 - 11:19

Many couple lose the idea of “me” time in a long-term relationship. Whether the woman feels threatened by a man spending too much time hanging out with the guys, or the man does not like watching the kids so the woman can get out herself… we forget that couples are made of two separate individuals. And each needs to be taken care of.

To get back on track of having some selfish downtime, here are some things to consider if you want your partner to cooperate.

1. Who will you be with? If you know you are going out with some people that will not help you make good decisions, reconsider your hanging out buddies.
2. What will you be doing? If you would be ashamed for your partner to know what you are doing… don’t do it.
3. Where will you be going? Again, if you have to hide the truth from your partner, you are probably making a bad decision.

It is all about trust A solid relationship is built on trust. Partners have to trust each other to make good decisions, and when that trust is tested or broken, it can take a long time to rebuild it.

Open communication is essential. If your partner is uncomfortable with your friends or your plans, talk about it. Come to an agreement together. Perhaps having your friends party at your place is a reasonable alternative.

The bottom line Having some downtime with friends is a reasonable expectation for both men and women. Set some boundaries if necessary, but whether or not those lines are spoken, ALWAYS be respectful of your partner. Think about what you are doing and ask yourself, “would I be ok if he/she was doing this with his/her friends?”

How does downtime work in your relationship? What hangout boundaries do you have set for yourself? Is trust an issue in relationship? Just How often do you take time for yourself? Tell us about it. Comment below.

Photo from: 70s Show XXX Parody

Beeman's picture
Trust is a must
Submitted by Beeman on Mon, 2010-11-08 23:29.

I definitely need a good amount of "me" time and time with my friends, so the person I'm with needs to be understanding and trusting. I was in a relationship once where she didn't trust me or my friends AT ALL. Every little thing we said or did was suspsected as a lie. No matter how logical or solid an explination was she was still skeptical. It became a battle just to get out of the house even to go see an old friend who moved away that I hadn't seen in months. It was draining and ultimately couldn't be sustained. Unfortunately no amount of talking about it could get her to trust me despite no wrong-doing on my part. Even communication failed because there was just no trust.

Clearance and Candy's picture
Real hard one for Candy
Submitted by Clearance and Candy on Wed, 2010-09-08 17:34.

I have so many issues from a prior relationship that makes it hard on my hubby. My lack of trust issues are so respected by my partner, who I can trust. If I'm not ok he does what ever it takes to make me feel wonderful, loved and the most important thing in his life:) The number one reason I married him. He's always trusted me it's never been an issue for him.