Married with children: Keeping the flame going

children, dynamic, flame, flames, human interest, married, sex life, social issues - By Rebecca Sinclair on Thursday, July 8, 2010 - 17:01

My husband and I will soon celebrate our 13^th year of marriage. With several kids running around the house, we are often asked what it is that keeps our interest in sex alive. Here are some secrets.

1. Sex should not be a chore. If either partner is losing interest in sex, talk about what is causing it. It may be medical, it may be exhaustion or stress, or it may be lack of diversity in the bedroom. The only way to know what the problem is so that it can be addressed is to discuss it.
2. Diversify. Sex can (and should!) be exciting. If you are growing bored with a sexual “routine,” spice it up. Add an adult movie, a new toy, or a new position to the mix.
3. Pick a leader. If the same partner always directs how and where sex happens, that can get old. Assign one night for one partner and another for the other so you can come up with something new. Assigning nights can peak your interest and give you something to look forward to.
4. Get away. Sex vacations are a great way to get a couple back on track. Money and kids can both make this a chore, and sometimes staycations are the solution. See if you can send the kids to grandma’s for the weekend and stay home with some movies, toys, and adult beverages. Turn off the computer and phones and challenge yourself with sex in every room in the house. Remind yourself of what fun sex use to be, to rekindle the flame.
5. Try something new. Grab a Kama Sutra book, an adult game, or some submission restrains and get out of your comfort zone a little bit. As long as you go in with a safe word, you might just find a new favorite activity!

Over the next couple of weeks I am going to focus more on keeping the love alive with kids running around, so check back often! If you have a specific question or concern you want addressed, comment below.