Love As Attachment

affection, attachment, dynamic, love, love and communication, love as attachment, relationship - By dryvonne on Monday, January 10, 2011 - 10:39

One of the critical components of a successful relationship is the ability of partners to be secure in their connection with one another. But could your connection with your primary childhood caregivers be impacting the way you are – or aren’t – connecting with your lover now?

Much of one’s ability to feel secure in a relationship comes from a very early time in each person’s life and the level of security the individual felt with their caregivers’ level of attention and affectiontag: [YF1]. Attachment is a lifelong process with those early experiences providing a blueprint for adult romantic connection such that attachment style can determine the level of satisfaction and commitment in a relationshiptag: [YF2]. The two basic categories of adult attachment at hand are: secure and insecure.

Some researchers believe that insecure attachment can be divided into two categories the categories of anxious/avoidant and preoccupied, while others believe there are three categories of insecure attachment: preoccupied, fearful and dismissingtag: [YF3]. Ultimately, adult attachment relies on whether we feel personally worthy and whether we feel that others around us are trustworthy.

Those who are securely attached feel worthy of love, and seek comfort from someone they are attached to when distressed. They trust their partner to soothe them. Securely attached individuals report greater relationship satisfaction, interdependence and commitment in their relationships. Securely attached partners showtag: [YF4] more nonverbal closeness with their partners - smiling, laughing and touching them more often than insecure partners. Researcherstag: [YF5] have also found a more favorable body image among women and men with secure adult attachment.

Those with insecure attachment patterns, on the other hand, use denial when distressed and do not seek comfort from attachment figures. Specifically, those with anxious/avoidant attachment report a fear of intimacy and are less dependent on their partners. They tend to havetag: [YF6] intercourse earlier in life and have more lifetime partners, plus are unfaithful more often and report having sex to reduce insecurity.

Those with preoccupied attachment have a strong desire to attach, but are so worried about rejection that they cannot be comforted by others. Partners with preoccupied attachment are more likely to fall in love easily and show moretag: [YF7] jealousy and obsessive thoughts. They also report having casual sex to impress their peers.

An emotion disorder called alexithymia is foundtag: [YF8] to be correlated with insecure attachment. This disorder involves people having difficulty identifying their feelings and describing them to other people. They are literally cut off from their feelings.

Regardless of a person’s style, researchtag: [YF9] on adult attachment continues to indicate that we may feel more secure with certain partners than others. That is an important finding for those who have experienced less than ideal relationships with their parents or other primary caregivers. It suggests that they may yet find secure adult attachment, but must be sure to choose someone that they trust to relate to the self in their personal best interest. Supporting such is the fact that researchtag: [YF10] on long-term relationship outcomes indicates that couples with one insecurely attached partner last as long as relationships where both partners are securely attached. These relationships further stand to be the ones that will pass these healthier patternstag: [YF11] on to future generations.

Article By: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD

Photo By: The Welsh Poppy

 [YF1] Bowlby, 1958; Wilson, 2001

 [YF2] Hazan & Shaver, 1987

 [YF3] Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1999; Wampler, Riggs & Kimball, 2004

 [YF4] Tucker & Anders, 1998

 [YF5] Cash, Theriault & Annis, 2004; Bogaert & Stan, 2002

 [YF6] Bogaert & Sadava, 2002; Gentzler & Kerns, 2004; Schachner & Shaver, 2004

 [YF7] Hazan & Shaver, 1987; Schachner & Shaver, 2004

 [YF8] Troisi, D'Argenio, Peracchio & Petti, 2001

 [YF9] Broemer & Blumie, 2003

 [YF10] Treboux, 2001

 [YF11] Mikulincer, Florian, Cowan & Cowan, 2002