Intimacy Without Sex

human sexuality, intimacy, sex, sexuality - By Brandie on Monday, November 15, 2010 - 14:47

Tip # 1: Intimacy Without Sex

Sometimes we find that sexual intercourse isn’t giving us the satisfaction it once did. This can happen particularly in a long-term relationship. On other occasions, sexual intercourse is not physically possible due to one or the other partner recovering from an illness or injury. That does not mean intimacy has to end. In fact, exploring ways to build intimacy without having sex is vital to the health of a relationship. You and your partner should take time to work on developing alternative methods of getting closer. This can be through talking, traveling together, non-sexual touching, experiencing something beautiful together (such as a sunrise)...the possibilities are endless.

Tip # 2: Touching

An excellent way to share intimacy with your partner is through touch. All healthy human beings not only respond well to touch, but need it in order to thrive. Beyond just hugging or holding a lover’s hand on a regular basis, you and your partner should set aside time to explore touching in a more focused way. Choose a time when you are both relaxed and can devote an hour or so to each other. Start with a warm bath/and or a period of meditation. Get comfortable together, either by lying down in bed or creating some other sacred space for you both to enjoy each other. You may wish to begin by expressing what you love about each other’s bodies. Share your thoughts about what makes your partner unique. When you begin touching, do it lightly. Move across the entire body with your fingers, hands, feet, legs, hair... Take turns exploring each other. Feel free to change up your pressure and intensity, based on how your lover reacts.

Tip # 3: Mutual Masturbation

A wonderful way to connect with your lover in a very intimate way is to masturbate together. You and your partner can masturbate each other -- that is, caress each other's genitals. Another option is to masturbate in front of each other. By sharing your own pleasure with your partner, you are simultaneously developing a closer bond with him or her as well as showing him or her exactly how you like to be touched. Mutual masturbation can take the place of intercourse and still be intimate (sometimes more so). Many couples incorporate mutual masturbation into their regular sex lives as a way to celebrate their adoration of each other’s bodies. It’s also a great way to build trust between the two of you.

Tip # 4: Words of Love

Intimacy can also be established though the use of language. As humans, we love to feel loved. And many of us need to hear the words once in a while. But beyond saying, “I love you” to your partner, you can talk to each other about your attraction. Tell your partner a story about the first time you realized you felt something stirring in your heart for him/her. You may even talk about the sex you have together and what about it is satisfying for you. Remember that the purpose of this is to help your partner feel loved. Sharing these kinds of private experiences deepens the connection you have with your partner.

Tip # 5: Respect

Most people agree that one of the biggest pleasures in a relationship is through mutual respect. Developing intimacy requires developing a healthy respect for your mate. Remember what it was that drew you to our partner in the first place. What makes him/her feel like “home” to you? When you have these answers, treat them like mantras you repeat silently throughout the day. Over time, it will become an unconscious act. In those moments when you and your partner are not seeing eye-to-eye -- and these happen for everyone -- the memory of why you are with him/her will renew the respect you have.

Tip # 6: Food For Love

Feeding your partner is one of the best ways to share intimacy without involving sex. Whether you cook for your mate or share a nice meal out together, food is an excellent method for bonding two people. On the sexier side, you may choose to create a “body buffet.” Select a few foods that can be eaten off your lover’s body. These can include whipped cream, berries, honey, ice cream, chocolate, and more. You can even drink champagne out of your lover’s belly button (or any other crevice you can find). Get creative and have fun!

Tip # 7: Sleeping Together

Often overlooked is the simple intimacy of sharing a bed with someone you care about. When we are sleeping, we are at our most vulnerable. Intimacy isn’t expressed any better than sharing the space we sleep with another human being. Beyond sleeping, just curling up together is a fundamental form of sharing deep connectivity with your partner. For many people, at certain points in a relationship the experience of holding each other is even more satisfying than engaging in sexual intercourse.

Tip # 8: Foot Massage

A very neglected part of our bodies are our feet. There are two benefits to giving your lover a foot massage: Not only is it healthy for the body (study any reflexology chart and you’ll see), it’s a wonderful way to make your partner feel special. Begin by having your partner relax. Fill a small basin with warm water. You may wish to add some essential oil to the bath like lavender, orange, sandalwood, ylang-ylang, or some peaceful combination of a few oils. Place your lover’s feet in the warm bath and let them soak for a few minutes. Towel dry the feet one at a time. Wrap one of the feet in a warm blanket or dry towel. Put some oil or lotion in your hands. Take the free foot and massage and caress it from toes, up to the calves. Change towels, and then repeat on the other foot. When finished, cover both feet with warm, fresh socks or slippers.

Tip # 9: Sharing Dreams

Do you and your partner share the same dreams? If you haven’t already at some point in your relationship, you may consider setting aside an evening to ask each other what your dreams and aspirations are. These can include topics like family, career, living situation, pastimes, etc. Discuss each item in terms of your individual desires first. Listen carefully to your partner without putting yourself in the picture. Feel free to ask questions, but keep in mind that individual interests are healthy and necessary in a good relationship. Once you both have spoken about yourselves, revisit the topics in terms of you both as a couple. The idea here is to develop intimacy, find and nurture the common ground between you.

Tip # 10: Together Time

Create an opportunity for you and your mate to spend time together. If you can’t set aside a regularly scheduled hour or two for uninterrupted privacy, try to find a project the two of you can work on as a team. This can be redecorating a room in the house, building or refurbishing a piece of furniture, planting a garden, etc. Plan the project together and see it through as a couple, consulting each other along the way. Something as simple as sharing a project is a surprisingly effective way to create intimacy between the two of you.

Photo By: Kjunstorm