Initiating Power Play

bdsm, bondage, bondage play, dr yvonne fulbright, feature 3, power play, S&M, sadmomasochism, submission, submissive sexplay - By dryvonne on Sunday, April 10, 2011 - 11:43

Every now and then couples enjoy freeing themselves from performance and self-responsibility by letting one partner completely take charge in the bedroom. Likewise, a person can become aroused by the power dynamic of having a doting partner, obeying one’s every desire – wanting to be a good love “slave.” Fulfill your fantasy of being overpowered or being overpowering in your love nest by doing the following...

Slip into your partner’s bed. If he/she is already sleeping, there are several ways you can awaken your lover:

o Gently rock him/her from a deep sleep, saying, “I’m not going to hurt you. Just keep your eyes closed and enjoy…”
o If your partner is lying on his/her back, massage your lover’s body, starting from the feet up. Get “stuck” on the buttocks and lower back area for a luxurious awakening.
o If your partner is lying on his/her side, flood the exposed neck and shoulder area with kisses for a dreamy introduction of what’s to come.

Once you have awakened your partner, give your commands. Tell your lover what you want, what you are going to do to him/her, or what you want done to you. If you are the one being awakened, submit yourself to your seducer’s every wanton desire by saying things like, “Do whatever you please” or “I’ll do anything. I’m your little girl/boy.” Then, arouse yourselves with acts of “soft” physical aggression:

o Your partner is scrumptious. Go ahead and bite him/her.
o Spanking is especially good for generating warmth since the base of the buttocks is an area where nerve endings meet genitalia.
o Order your partner to do something that drives you mad with desire. Or make your lover beg – on knees – to please your every sexual whim.
o Tie your partner up with blindfolds, handcuffs, or rope. Tease your captive with stimulation to no end.

Remember that a sexual rendezvous involving power dynamics needs to be well thought out so that both partners’ are on the same page about what is to come. In pulling off such escapades successfully, be sure to do the following steps:

1. Decide who will be “in charge.”
2. Negotiate each other’s needs, wants, and limits before playing.
3. Have a safe word: A memorable word should be chosen by the participants so that if distressed, the word acts as a red light to halt all activity when called out. Use something out of the ordinary that wouldn't be used in any of your fantasy play or talk, such as "omelet" or "zucchini".
4. Talk about what’s going to happen when you role-play. Plan everything out so that you know each other’s boundaries and what the other is consenting to do.
5. Make sure you’re in a relationship where you trust your partner.

If you find yourself timid in taking charge with any of these “liasons dangereuses,” just remember that both sadmomasochism and bondage and discipline (B&D) play a much more prevalent role in our society than what we’re sometimes willing to acknowledge. Both come in even the mildest of forms, like giving your love a hickey. Furthermore, you don’t have to go to an S&M club or hang out with certain people to find this form of eroticism. You can simply turn on your radio and hear songs that hint at S&M or B&D play, like Aqua’s seemingly ‘innocent’ “Barbie Girl” song:

“Make me walk. Make me talk.
Do whatever you please.
I can act like a star.
I can beg on my knees…”

That mentality of “I’ll do anything; I’m all yours” can be quite the turn on for a lot of lovers. There’s certainly a power dynamic to get off on - that of a doting partner obeying your every desire, and wanting to be a good submissive. Then the dominant partner has plenty to get turned on by too, with Madonna’s “Erotica” capturing the power play:

“I don’t think you know what pain is.
I don’t think you’ve gone that way.
I can bring you so much pleasure.
I’ll come to you when you say…
I’m not going to hurt you – just close your eyes…”

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD.

Photo By: Sportsheets Inc.

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