Ideas on ways to enjoy a larger frame

aasect, american association, feature 1, fertility, human behavior, human interest, human sexuality, interpersonal relationships, intimacy, licensed clinical psychologist, lori, lori buckley, male dating, missionary position, physicals, sex, sex therapist, sexology, sexual acts, sexual intercourse, size does matter, therapist - By Better Sex on Monday, September 6, 2010 - 10:48

Question: I'm a 49 year old male dating a 48 year old woman for over a year. I have two issues I'd like your comments on.

First my girl friend is very obese as I too am over weight. While I am able to penetrate her with my hand/fingers going into the missionary position is often times difficult. Sometime I can penetrate her that way other times not. Truth be told, our belly’s get in the way.

The second issue is the fact I have severe arthritis in my right knee to the extent it is bent at an angle which makes standing and embracing difficult and kneeling for missionary uncomfortable after a while. For instance if she has positioned herself toward the edge of the bed and I am standing next to it and want to enter her I have to coordinate a precarious balance with my thrusting so that I do not fall over. The inability to have both feet firmly on the floor is quite frustrating. I'll also admit there is a certain lack of intimacy for me in the fact she is so large that and I'd rather be caressing a smaller frame.

What do you suggest as solutions for our physical size issue and my arthritic issue? (oh I'll also state that we tried rear entry over the summer and the size issue is present with that position as well too much flab to get out of the way.) Thank you in advance for your advice.

Dr. Lori's Answer: Sexual intimacy is challenging in the best circumstances. When one or both people in a relationship are suffering with physical and/or medical problems intimacy can become a source of frustration and pain, which then interferes with feelings of intimacy.

The good news is that there are ways to expand and enhance intimacy with your partner, in spite of the challenges you mention. Physical touch, cuddling, erotic massage and oral and manual stimulation are ways to be intimate without intercourse.

It sounds like you are able to manually stimulate your partner with your fingers. Try to vary your love making to include the above by switching back and forth from intercourse to other forms of intimate touch. This would alleviate you having to stay in any position for an extended period of time, which will be easier on your body. For example, switch between standing intercourse to lying on the bed manually stimulating one another You could also try using pillows to make intercourse and oral sex more comfortable. Try putting a pillow under your partner's hips, or between your thighs and calves when kneeling.

Intimacy also includes communication. Do you and your partner talk about your weight issues? Is this something you would both like to work on? You say that you would “rather be caressing a smaller frame”. Perhaps, you can work together towards improving your health and in losing weight.

I recommend you make an appointment together with a doctor to discuss a nutrition and exercise program. Doing new things together can create intimacy and add excitement to a relationship. And, you’ll both be feeling healthier, more attractive and more confident, which is very sexy.

Photo by: Mr. TGT

Dr. Lori Buckley is a licensed clinical psychologist and an American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) certified sex therapist. We know that there are a lot of people who have questions about all kinds of sexual things, so we teamed up with Dr. Lori to answer your questions.