Bend Over Beginner Strap-On, from Tantus
As a sex educator, I get all kinds of questions about all kinds of sexual health subjects, but one of the most common questions–often asked in a whisper–is about strap-on sex. Women tell me they’d like to wear a strap-on but are intimidated to try; men tell me they’d like their sweethearts to wear a harness and dildo so that they can feel what it’s like to be penetrated, but they are afraid to ask.
You know what, ladies and gentlemen? If you don’t ask you may never know if your partner might enjoy it, too. In fact, strap-ons are among the fastest-growing genre of toys, so you are in good company.
I had never entertained the thought of wearing a strap-on until I was asked. At first I strapped on a dildo not because I thought it would turn me on, but because I knew my honey would like it. Little did I know how aroused I’d get, too. Now, it is one of my favorite things to do in the bedroom. Still, some people are concerned about what it “means” that they’re interested in strap-on sex.
Does wanting my partner to penetrate me with a strap-on mean I am gay or bisexual? Does it mean I want to be a woman? Nope. The anus has a ton of sensitive nerve endings, and many men enjoy the feeling of their prostate being stimulated through the anal canal. Many men experience sexual pleasure by being penetrated, no matter who they happen to be attracted to. Straight guys like strap-ons, too.
Does wanting to wear a strap-on mean I am a lesbian? Does it mean I want to be a man? Nope. You may just like wearing a strap-on, and that’s that. People of any sexual or gender orientation can enjoy strap-on sex. The base of the dildo often indirectly stimulates the clitoris during strap-on sex, and that simply feels good.
If you want to have strap-on sex, there’s no need to try to analyze your desire any more than you’d analyze your desire for chocolate, steak or burritos. We like what we like.
What’s “hot” about strap-on sex varies from person to person, of course. Some people enjoy the intimacy they feel when having intercourse, no matter who is doing the penetrating. Some people do like imagining what it would be like to have a different body, and some people enjoy bisexual or gay/lesbian fantasies, even if they primarily like having sex with their opposite sex partner. But many, many people just simply like the way strap-on sex feels, with no other motivation.
If you are interested in using a harness and dildo, here are a few tips:
- Invest in a good harness. The best harness will have straps around both the waist/hips and the thighs to keep it in place, like the Sedeux™ Divine Diva Harness.
- There are two basic varieties of harness: the traditional “ring” system or the snap-on Vac-u-Lock® system. If you use a traditional harness with a ring, your dildo should have a flared base, like the Sedeux™ Please™ Silicone Dildo. A base flared wider than the ring keeps the dildo from sliding out of the harness.
- A few harnesses operate using the Vac-U-Lock® system rather than a ring. If you choose these harnesses, you will need to purchase a dildo made to snap on.
- Use a dildo made of a flexible material, such as silicone or rubber, rather than hard glass, metal, or plastic. Your rectum is curved, so your dildo should bend with it.
- Guys, make sure you are accustomed to anal play before trying strap-on sex. Try some butt plugs. Have your sweetie use her fingers (with clipped, smooth nails or wearing gloves), finger rimmers, or hand-held dildo.
- Make sure you use plenty of lube! The anus does not self-lubricate, and so you will always need to add lubrication. We recommend using silicone lubricant for anal play, and most people enjoy a thick silicone lubricant like System JO Anal Lube. However, if you are using a silicone dildo in your harness do not use a silicone lube; instead choose a water-based lube or a plant oil (corn, coconut, olive oil, Crisco). (Note: some people like putting a condom over their dildo to make clean-up easier. If you use a latex condom, do not use an oil-based lubricant, as oils destroy latex.)
- Be gentle and slow, especially at first, and use a smaller dildo than you think you need. The New Comers Strap-On Kit is a beginner option which includes a smaller-sized dildo. The Tantus Bend Over Beginner kit includes two different-sized silicone dildos so that you can start with the small silicone dildo and later work up to the larger one after each of you is accustomed to strap-on sex.
- Ladies, if you aren’t used to wearing a dildo you may feel as awkward with it as I did at first. I had to learn how to move my hips in order to thrust without hurting my sweetie or wearing myself out too fast. And guys, if you aren’t accustomed to being penetrated it will take some time to learn what feels best to you and what your body’s limits are. With practice, though, you may end up loving strap-on sex as much as my honey and I do.
Want other ideas?
- For “strap-on” sex without the harness, you might like to try the fabulous Feeldoe More Silicone Dildo.
And a few DVDs featuring strap-ons…
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Looking for a good quality NON femdom or sissy strapon dvd. One where the guy actually enjoys it has an erection and orgasm. Any suggestions??